I’m going to attempt to do a little reflecting on this past Saturday’s Blessed Is She Southeast Michigan brunch…while all three kids are awake…at 7am. You’re in for a treat.
First off, Mary was on point and on fleek and super swag with her talk, per usual. The topic was sisterhood, and the takeaway was that in order to foster genuine sisterhood, we need healthy doses of honesty, affirmation and prayer.
3 Things You Need to Make Friends as a Woman
How can we get to a point in our relationships with other women where we can say, “What? You too? I thought I was the only one!” if we are not honest about the fact that we sit our 5-month-old in front of the TV so we can catch the tiniest of breaks? Or that we are unhappy in our profession? Or that our marriage is struggling?
And when another mom bares her guilt-soaked soul to us, how do we respond? Do we automatically tell her, “Oh, it’s fine” and change the subject? Or, do we listen to what she is saying? Are we in turn honest in letting her know she is not alone? Even if we disagree with what she tells us, are we sympathetic to her emotions and helpful to her by steering her in the direction she needs? Easier said than done, amiright?
After the honesty and affirmation parade, we need to follow up with some good old-fashioned prayer. None of this, “I will pray for you” and then not doing it crap. Pray for your sister. Pray over your sister. Yes. Right in front of her.
Making Friends as a Grown Up
What is it about being an adult that makes making friends so incredibly difficult? I could list off reasons, but we all have our own.
And, you’d think it would be simple: we are all looking for deeper relationships with other women, so, let’s just do it. But you can’t force that, right?
So what is it that brings people closer together?
I once knew a singer and a soldier who said sins create the closest bonds. But, since we’re Catholic in this neck of the woods, let’s see if we can avoid the sisterly trip to the confessional.
That means we’re back to the honesty, affirmation, prayer method. And, I don’t know about you, but when someone asks me how I’m doing, my reflexive response is, “Great!” even when it’s not. No one wants to be the Debbie D. friend. It’s much easier to pretend like the messy stuff doesn’t bother us, or even easier: just put the highlight reel out there.
Or what about when someone does drop a truth bomb on us? Easiest way out? Smile, say it’s ok, change the subject. AVOID ALL THE CONTROVERSY AND UNCOMFORTABLE.
Then I need to pray over this person? Talk about awkward. Don’t I need to be close to that person already to do that?
Making It Work
Those are all of my excuses for why I can’t make those hard things work. I guess I’m being…honest. Easier online, eh?
Now how do I get past those things and into the friend-zone? How do I drop my guard? How do I make one of those friends that you can sit with in totally comfortable silence?
I don’t know.
The best I can come up with right now is to take a deep breath when you’re with a friend. Inhale, exhale and tell yourself to be calm and listen. Stay in the moment and don’t try to get rid of the uncomfortable.
That’s all I’ve got. What do you have?