“So, about getting pushed into the fountain. Maria and I were completely dying of heat exhaustion. We found a nice fountain in a park where people were sitting on the edge and dangling their feet in (and two older men were swimming despite the sign that clearly forbid it), so we decided it would be nice to dip our feet in as well. We sat on the edge of the water and cooled off with our feet submerged. After a while, we took our feet out and sat on the edge of the fountain so that our feet could dry (I didn’t want my wet feet running my socks). Well, as we were sitting there, apparently Maria saw some guy kind of harassing this woman and her daughter. They were put off by him and proceeded to leave the fountain. I didn’t see this because my back was turned. The man started to walk our way, and we he passed by us, Maria breathed a sigh of relief. Unfortunately, that was when I saw him. He was walking by, but then he turned around and said something in French. I couldn’t tell if he was looking at me, and so I assumed he wasn’t, because I had no idea who he was, so why would he be talking to me. I looked away for a moment, but he kept talking, so I looked back, and lo and behold, he was approaching me. He seemed to be in a jovial mood and was somewhat laughing, so I decided to smile back. That is, until he placed his hands on my shoulders, continued to speak in French, shook me, and leaned into me until I found myself falling into the fountain, where my clothes promptly soaked themselves, and my $200 Droid X screamed for help from my pocket. I stood up immediately, pulled my phone from my pocket, and trying to sound politely upset, explained that my phone was in my pocket and it was now soaking wet. I doubted it was going to work. Then he began to speak English, and I almost wish he had just stuck with the French. He told me that he had the money in his pocket to pay for the phone right then, but that if I let him explain something, I wouldn’t need the money. Of course, I wondered “What the hell could you possibly tell me that would make me reconsider the offer that you will pay for my obviously broken phone”. Little did I know, he would be right. Now, mind you, this guy was a lot bigger than I am. If you gave him a baseball bat, he would look like this. He began to tell me that 1) You can’t plant a garden in America because nothing grows there. But you can buy gold. 2) If we were to move to where he lives, there would be a lot of Satan worshipers, but we would be safer. 3) Humans are evolving either into reptiles or from reptiles. He wasn’t clear on either point. 4) Other insane nonsense babble that I have since forgot, but certainly had little to do with either A) Why he had just pushed me, a complete stranger, into a fountain or B) Why all of this was going to make me forget about my soaked phone. Of course, the sum effect of this speech was my complete desire for him to get the hell away as quick as possible, even if this meant I would not receive $200 from him, which of course I did not. Instead, he left, and we watched him start to talk crazy to someone else about 20 feet away before leaving altogether. Frankly, we were glad we were still alive. So, I went to stand in the sun for a few minutes while I literally twisted up my shirt until all the water dripped out of it. I had to walk around Montreal for the rest of the day in soaking wet clothes. Lots of fun. Luckily, that was the only negative experience we had, and obviously it is hilarious in retrospect.“
Yeah. That happened. Thanks for the laugh, David!