After selling some stuff on eBay:
“We will just put that money in our “to blow” account. Not to be confused with our “for blow” account.
Walking in on my epsom salt bath, Mike grabbed a handful of salt and thew it into the tub yelling, “Bam!” and walked out. Never skipped a beat.
In response to Ellen’s frequent and lovely tantrums as of late:
“You’re really wracking up your frequent crier miles, aren’t you?”
After both kids pooped at the dinner table:
“Well, we’re just playing a game of musical chairs over here. And not in the way you would think.”
Me: {talking about who knows who} He is a very pensive guy.
Mike: And the word of the day is…very.
Me: What is Ellen crying about upstairs?
Mike: I don’t know. Probably something stupid.
Walking in the room while I was getting ready:
“That shirt looks nice on you. You can’t even see your baby remnants.”
Ellen crying again:
“The sooner you learn not to cry when things don’t go your way, the better my life will be.”
Me: I got a new workout DVD. Guess which one.
Mike: Kegels? Do they make DVDs for that?

Dying!!!! So good.
LOL! Sounds like he’s a hoot to live with!
Ahhhhh! can we steal second to last? what the heck. mine…her new thing is to lay down flat when she doesnt want to walk w me. i look awesome in stores. what happened to the cute cuddly babies! love these. kegel dvd….luv.
That guy is hilarious!
LOL I died laughing at some of these. Thanks for sharing!
I think you just made Mike’s head grow even larger!