You think one kid is hard? Just wait! You think having one little one to diaper, to feed, to care for is daunting? Well, just wait. If you think that having one child can be tedious and boring and frustrating, just wait. Because once you have that second one, it gets so.much.easier.
Yup. Easier.
People are in love with “just wait-ing” new moms, and I find that incredibly rude. I want to tell you what having two kids is really like.
When you have your first kid, everything is new to you. You are learning to feed, diaper and bathe your baby. You are trying to decipher the different cries. You need to figure out how to get that carseat in and how to strap her in a carrier. The logistics of getting out of the house with just the two of you is so daunting that you don’t even think about the idea for at least three months. You can’t even shower without taking fifteen minutes to organize your mind and make a plan of action. Maybe you were like me, and you called your mom crying and saying, “I don’t do any activities with her! I don’t know how to play with her!” And then your mom laughs at you and says, “Um, she is five days old…”
But, what was hardest for me with our first was learning to die to myself. I had things I wanted to do and ways that I ran my day. I had plans and routines and certain idiosyncrasies that weren’t to be messed with. But after having a kid, there was no time to be selfish. Yes, she slept a lot, but figuring out how to be a mom is tiring and can take up all of your free time. Once I realized that it wasn’t about me anymore, life got a lot easier.
And then came number two.
I was certain that life was going to be miserable for a while until I could get back into the groove that Ellen and I had finally settled into. But that wasn’t the case at all.
With Sam, the birth was so much more pleasant. In fact, it was downright boring compared to the first one. Mike and I watched TV, joked with the nurses while I delivered him, and I told Mike I was already excited for #3 ON THE WAY HOME FROM THE HOSPITAL. I thought maybe it was my hormones, but the sentiment still stands.
When Ellen was first born, I think the entire world stopped, and I retreated into a little newborn bubble. Everything was hard and I had no attention left to pay to anything else but being a mom. With Sam, life went on. He became part of our day, part of our routine, and he and I both adapted very well to his life outside the womb. I am more relaxed about things now. I could go on about this idea, but I think Ana said it best. It’s just that at this point with Sam, I already knew how to die to myself. He was just another mouth to feed, diaper to change and baby to love – in the best of ways.
bringing #2 to BlogHer 13? no problem.
What is harder though? Because, some things do get a little harder.
There are situations that you just don’t really think about until you have more than one (and I’m sure this is true for each subsequent child…). Things like how am I going to carry this box to the car while I hold the baby and make sure the toddler doesn’t run into the street? Things like they are both crying for legit reasons, so who do I go to first? Or, I want to shower but the toddler will poke the baby in the eye as soon as I jump in. And, these situation vary depending on your living situation, the layout of your home, and the ages of kids you have, but they all have one thing in common: don’t try to figure out all of the logistics until you need to. You’ll drive yourself nuts. Just take things really slowly. Learn to be in the moment and deal with what is in front of you at that specific time. It might take you 20 minutes to get the kids in the car, but for that 20 minutes, that is your job. That is what you are doing. Embrace it.
sometimes this happens.
As for the guilt, it will be there. But, God didn’t give mothers multiple children so they would feel guilty. God gives a mom multiple children to grow her heart, teach her children about living in a family and humble her enough to ask for help. < Tweet this.
And I did some things to help myself out…because I am Type A and I own it. I created a daily schedule, a list of goals, meal plans, and a mantra: you can only do what you can do. And for my fellow list-makers and goal setters, a post is forth coming. Relax.
Yes, all babies and pregnancies are different. I might be singing a different tune when #3 comes into the picture. But for now, I am just rolling with it and not thinking too far ahead. I mean, we’re all still breathing, right?
I thought going from one to two would be a lot harder than it actually was. And then I had people tell me that adding another (#3) would be easy as pie – in many of the ways you just wrote about. Of course, then we had to go and have TWINS, which quickly put us from two kids to four – a little harder to adjust but definitely still easier than when you first become a mom. :)
With #2 on the way, this is certainly encouraging!!
I just had #3 (well, 9 months ago) and your hunch is spot on. Once you’ve died to self enough, the rest are just icing on the cake. You take each situation as it comes and life goes on. Some days are awesome, some… notsomuch. My brother-in-law (dad to 5 [so far]) says that once you’ve got three, you’re used to being outnumbered and any kids after that don’t change the general dynamic much. :)
I was terrified of #2, but we’re 6 weeks in and I absolutely agree with you. This is much easier than going from 0 to 1.
I agree that the transition from 1 to 2 was way easier than none to 1. But your advice to embrace the challenges was absolutely what I needed today. I am having a day of challenges and it is all in my mindset. I am going to enjoy my nap time cookies and face the afternoon ready to embrace the moments with my kids! Thanks!
#1 was definitely the toughest here, and we just had #6!
As a mother, I agree. As a grandmother, #2 is different. Not love, the love is equal. I would love to read some blogs on this from grandmas.
I definitely agree that for the most part motherhood seemed to get easier with the birth of my son. My daughter became so much more helpful. And she was so in awe of her brother that she would just sit for hours and watch him sleep. Who knew a sleeping baby would be all it took to keep her entertained?!
I didn’t stress nearly as much over small stuff. Sure I had to make adjustments and outings became a little tricky at time but I’m surviving.
That’s totally how I feel too. And I’ve heard that it gets even easier the more you have :)
I wish I’d read this when you wrote it last year, 10 days before my #2 arrived a scarce 12 months & 2 weeks after #1. I was so terrified and the shocked sympathy on most people’s faces when they found out about #2 wasn’t helping. And, most days, it hasn’t been that bad. I do feel my brain melting when the chaos breaks out all at once, or when the stress of the rest of my life builds up, but as the months have passed I’m slowly recognising that order can be restored…eventually. I just need to remind myself to relax and not try do all the things at once. I find the hardest part is the baby’s night feeds coupled with an early-rising toddler, but this too shall pass one day!