Mike: Next time I’m going to get pizza, do not let me get Little Ceasars.
Me: Well, you didn’t say you were picking up pizza.
Mike: I said I was making dinner. What did you think I was getting?
Mike on Ellen’s recent visit to Panera:
“I hope you enjoyed your $5 bowl of finger paint…”
In response to what I thought was an adorable pairing of stripes in Ellen’s outfit:
“What is she? An inmate?”
Watching The Artist:Mike: Is this a silent movie??
Me: Yeah, do you not want to watch it now.
Mike: No. I’m just trying to diagnose technical difficulties.
On my past cooking skills:
“Remember when you used to sneak Metamucil into my foods and I’d have the gassiest days ever? Good times.”
Me: Are you getting up? I need a lot of things?
Mike: Like what?
Me: String cheese and my book, The Constant Princess.
Mike: What is that a book about your life?
Mike changing his FB profile picture to the new Corvette:
Me: You know, that used to be a picture of you and your daughter.
Mike: I had to wait a decade for this car. I have kids way more often than that.