If you’re happy and you know it…avoid this post.

I thought I was killing it Monday: we woke up early (honestly, it wasn’t voluntarily), threw on all of our winter gear, went outside and finally built Ellen a “noman”. I got her ready all by myself, which, if you have kids, you know is an activity in itself. Then, I threw on my snow pants. That’s a lie. I’m, like, 25 weeks pregnant so I shimmied into the stupid pants of flaming heat and didn’t even attempt to budge the zipper. I played it dangerous.

Yeah. I even brought snow in to play with in the tub. Killing it, I tell you.

Yeah. I even brought snow in to play with in the tub. Killing it, I tell you.

We played, got inside, did the lunch thing, and then it was time for nap…just like every.single.day.since.the.beginning.of.her.life. I’m not going to detail you with what happens at nap time pretty much every afternoon, but let’s just say, per usual, she screamed for the two hours that should be nap and never actually slept.

About once a month, this adorable little habit of hers makes me break down into a psychotic puddle in need of wine and Xanax (both of which are “frowned upon” when with child…). Monday was one of those days. I had seriously had it. Again.

So, I pulled her out of her crib after two hours of screaming; she laughed at me, and I accepted the fact that she, again, had won.

Let’s get out of the house now. I had to get out of the house. So, I decided to go to a specialty grocery store to get the coffee flavoring I needed. I was in a total haze while driving. I was cursing people who told me that this would pass and I would miss this (it hasn’t yet – 18 months, people, and I won’t). I kept asking God why children had to be so difficult. I asked Him for just a little break. Just send me a little sunshine, God.

Woop Woop. Red and blue lights behind me. Promptly followed by the biggest, hysterical sob fest that I couldn’t even pretend to hide from the officer. If I had had it together enough that day to have mascara on, it would have ran like Niagara down my face. Poor dude felt so bad for me as I rambled and gasped about difficult children, being pregnant, husband away on business, just need to get out of the house. He let me off with a warning and ran back to his car quicker than he should have.

I got my coffee yums, threw in some scones, and headed back home. Ellen screamed the entire way because I wouldn’t let her watch tv. Um? I drive a Saturn Ion, kid. And, of course, as we turned down our street, she passed right the right out – it was 5pm. Greeeeat.

My plan was to wake her in a half hour, but I didn’t need to. She woke screaming, per usual. Good morning, sunshine.

Then we inhaled a nutritious dinner of vanilla lattes, blueberry scones, Goldfish and raisins. Ain’t nobody cooking that night.

So, why am I telling you this? What did I learn?

Honestly, I didn’t learn a stupid thing. Being a mom is hard. It’s not you. It’s them….it’s them!

More scones, please.

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Comments

  1. Love you Jenna! And, I love your honest and very real day. It just happens like that sometimes. And it will be okay.
    {you never know who you will encourage by simply sharing your difficulties. so many moms think that they’re the only ones who struggle. by the very act of letting someone peak into your real world, you are letting others know they’re not alone. and sometimes that is what keeps us going, after all.}

    • Thanks, Lauren! I was hoping that at the very least, someone would think, “it’s not just me!” It happens to the best of us. And I just happened to be the very best that day!

  2. Jaclyn Martindale says:

    Oh Jenna, sorry you had a rough day yesterday! But just from one mommy going through the pre-teen who is trying to distance himself, just a little bit, from his amazing, loving, super fun mom….you may not miss those parts described in your post. You will most certainly miss so many other small, seemingly insignificant, moments that happen everyday with your sweet girl. Once in a while Braden will come lay right next to me and want to snuggle, and I LOVE IT!! Most of the time he would prefer if I would just go away. Those days are very sad and make me cry! Miss you guys! xoxo

    • I can’t imagine Ellen not wanting to snuggle! When you figure out a way to get them addicted to it, let me know :)

  3. Totally get the whole “feel like I’m killing it” and then it actually DIES! thing. I don’t think I ever have a full day of “I’m an awesome mama”, you know?

  4. I am still up at almost 1 a.m. because my children are sleeping so poorly this week that I don’t even bother to go to bed. As in- zero sleeping. It is nice.

  5. I just want to say.. nice hat ^..^

  6. I think this is standard for everyone with tiny people. Nobody tells you this, though, until after the fact. We just go into having kids with blinders on!! The funny part is, when you have this 2nd one, you will look back on your “first child mommy self” and think “who was that silly woman?” My husband was deployed with the military 3 times when our kids were little. It’s a wonder they are all alive and relatively unscathed by being stuck with the crazy lady in the house. Hopefully they won’t spend thousands of dollars on therapy when they are older. and thank goodness for friends, coffee, red wine and cookies!

    • I have to start out by saying you military wives never cease to amaze me. My hubs works a regular 9-5er and I cannot WAIT until he gets home each day. Somehow you do it while your husbands are away for days, weeks, months, years. Insane. True strength, I say. I hope that the army pays for all of your cookies and wine :) You deserve it!

  7. I am laughing because I can soooooo relate!!! I can remember my mother-in-law telling me how wonderful little ones were. I remember during one of the normal….I mean…difficult days….looking at my child wondering when it would happen. Man, it was hard!!! My babes are all older now-16,12, and a few weeks from 10-it is much easier now and we actually like each other.

    • If we don’t laugh, what’s left, right? I swear, older moms just lose their memory of the bad moments (because of their kids, I’m sure!). I’m so glad to hear your real assessment of the situation! That’s how it really is!

  8. Jill Schnuphase says:

    I still remember those hard times. There were days when I thought I would never get through them. Somehow you do, it’s a blur to me because I still don’t know how it happened. And God bless that police officer, really. Grace is sweeter somehow when it comes from the unexpected.
    On a side note – I make killer scones. I’d be happy to send you the recipe or make some and ship them to you.
    You are an awesome mom, Jenna. And you’re pretty :))

    • Well, I just need to keep you in my pocket all day long :) You and that police officer!

      And, I have a feeling these days will be a blur too. People say that I will actually miss the hard times; I don’t know about that so much, but I can imagine forgetting about them someday, at least.

      And, yes, scone recipe! I always want to make them, but there are so many recipes, I don’t know where to start. I would love to try yours :)

  9. If I had a nickel for every time I had to drown my sorrows in coffee and baked goods I’d be a rich girl! And only coffee because I’m usually pregnant!

  10. The past couple of days have been like that here, too. No naps, so the whole evening = meltdowns of epic proportions. Yesterday, she kindly took off her pants and diaper and wet the bed. Awesome. Oh, and the potty training we’re doing? She rocked it last weekend, then regressed this week. Sorry, not trying to complain all over your comments, just trying to say that I feel you and that you’re not in the trenches alone!

  11. At least you got out of a speeding ticket? Silver lining? That happened to me once with Griffin screaming in the back waaaay back in the day. I know you don’t want to hear it will pass, but this stage will pass…eventually. I think 8/9 months to 2 1/2 years is the toughest stage, but that’s just my opinion. I feel you, and I’m really sorry to hear you had such a rough day. As moms, we should get badges like they award in the military for years of service, bravery, etc. Feel better!

    • Yes, that was definitely the silver lining. Poor guy pulling over an emotional, pregnant mess! And, can we look into this badge thing? Is there a military address we can write to to find out who their medal maker is?

  12. lemme just tell you. Aaron, the other day, threatened to go out of town for a work conference in San Francisco this summer. And the sheer thought of it, completely panicked me. You are my hero. Keep your head up friend, you are a total rockstar for doing it on your own in Minnesota. One day, you will look back on these days and think, ‘I cannot believe I survived that craziness’. And, my strength with lil’ A is remember that one day he will be five, and I can threaten him. I can’t wait till that day.

    • I was always terrified of it, so when we were in MI, I always made my mom stay with us. Then, I was forced to do it alone in MN. The first few times I slept on the couch with a light and the tv on (big baby). Then, after a while, I just got over it and actually started looking forward to having the bed to myself ;) Mike calls it “starfishing”. He says as soon as he is out of the bed, my legs and arms shoot out like a starfish and stretch across the whole bed. Mamma likes her space.

      And, I think lil’ A is smart; you could totally start the threats at 4!

  13. Elizabeth says:

    Ohh I have so been there with you! Especially the part about praying for a break. Sometimes God gives me one, but mostly he doesn’t. Why? Probably so I have a funny story to tell my husband once the dust settles…or something…

    • It’s got to be for the stories, or blog material. One or the other. Or maybe He is trying to make us into better people, but I doubt that ;)

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