We have a sofa table in our hallway. It’s long, thin and top heavy, and we never thought to childproof it. Ellen never bothered it, so it just didn’t seem important. Until yesterday morning.
Mike had just finished changing Ellen’s diaper, and I was eating cereal on the couch checking my phone. Then, we heard a horrible crash and went running. I saw my sweet baby on the ground with a heavy table on top of her and a bloody nose. We called 911 and had the paramedics check her for a concussion and other injuries. She checked out just find. Thank you, Jesus. Thank you, Jesus. Thank you, Jesus. I am taking her to the doctor today for a follow up.
I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to get that picture of yesterday morning out of my head. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to get rid of the guilt of not childproofing that area. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to feel like she is safe. I don’t know if I am over-reacting. Am I over-reacting? There are so many people out there who have been through and are going through so much worse, but I can’t get over something that turned out ok.
On the other hand, we learned so many lessons yesterday. So many answers to questions I had been praying about.
But, even though I am glad we learned, I can’t shake that sick feeling that things could have been worse. I can’t shake the guilt that I should have been watching her. I can’t get out of this glum mood and just enjoy my baby anymore.
I debated over blogging about this, but obviously decided I wanted to. It helps me to write out my feelings, and I also feel better after talking to other moms. So, any kind advice, prayers and stories are welcome and needed.