I was told this might work…
To: Ellen Margherita
Pursuant to the provisions of your mother, you are hereby given an eviction notice and notice to vacate, on or before July 23, 2011, the uterus owned by your mother of the State of Michigan, whose womb is now occupied by you.
The reason for this eviction notice is:
Your neglect to recognize the recent heat wave sweeping our state and your mother’s inability to do anything but sit inside and watch the WKAR Create station on PBS (why don’t we have cable, again?)
You are hereby notified that your right to avoid this eviction by payment, prior to the expiration of this notice has been revoked. Resistance is futile.
Substantial damage done to the premises is as follows:
Loss of Sleep
Elevated Body Temperature
Dated: July 21, 2011
Signed: Your Mother
I hereby certify that on the twenty-first day of July 2011, at 5:15 pm I left at the womb of Ellen Margherita above named, a true copy of the above original notice.